Darkness before Dawn
by KAM35
Summary: Sam is assaulted. Jack helps her recover. *****Mature themes and rape*****
1. Chapter 1

_AN: This is dark and violent. Not at all like my usual work.  
_

She had a lot to do packing up her house. She couldn't believe that she was married, to Jack, no less. He was her soul mate. It had taken them years to get together and now, well they'd been married for two glorious weeks and yesterday she'd found out she was pregnant. She hadn't even told him yet. He's been off world for the last three days. She'd wanted to go with the team, but they'd all insisted she take the time to pack up her house. It was a routine mission that required Jack, otherwise he wouldn't be there either. But those Asgards loved him and often wouldn't speak with anyone else.

She frowned when she heard the knock at the door. "Who could that be at this time of day?" she thought absently and she opened the door. Seeing Jonas there completely stunned her. She hadn't seen him in over ten years. She'd practically forgotten about their three short dates and his subsequent incarceration. But before she could even say _H_ _ello_ , Jonas looked at her with a sinister grin on his face. "Hello, Samantha," he said as she saw the flash of red and felt the iron frying pan connect with her skull. After that it was just black.

Jack had woken up with a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was day three of a very routine mission. He, Daniel Jackson, and Teal'c were on a typical planet with trees and flowers and looking very much like the west coast of British Colombia. The Asgard had finished their meeting the night before, but in typical Asgard fashion, they had other important business to attend to and dropped them at the nearest planet with a stargate. They made camp for the night and were on there way to the gate for the trip home. Unfortunately, Loki had decided to drop them a good six hour hike from the stargate.

Sam awoke to Jonas on top of her. She was tied, face down to her bed. She felt the cold tip of the knife to her throat and felt him pounding into her unwilling body. She couldn't move and could barely think. Jonas was rambling on and on. "Your mine, Samantha. You've always been mine. You'll always be mine. What made you think you could ever have another man's baby."

She looked to the clock on the bedside table. It was 0930. All she could think was that Jack wouldn't be back until 1600. She had to hold on. And then, she blacked out again.

Jack pulled up outside Sam's house around 1430. The briefing had been mercifully short and he headed straight here. She hadn't answered her phone when he'd called and he still carried that uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. As he approached her front door, that uneasiness increased. He looked around and didn't see anything noticeably out of place. But he slowed and advanced with caution. He'd learned to trust his gut. When he reached the front door, he pulled out his key. He knew Sam always locked her door. The door was unlocked. That in itself added to his alertness. He quietly opened the door and saw the mess in the foyer. There was a red coated iron skillet on the floor and a table was knocked over.

He pulled his service weapon, released the safety, and quietly advanced into his wife's house. The struggle had obviously been short. The rest of the house seemed in place, but he knew something wasn't right. He made his way down the hall to the master bedroom. The door was ajar and he could hear whimpers and grunts. What he saw when he pressed the door further open would stay with him the rest of his life. His wife was tied with her back to the headboard of the bed. Her face was black and blue. Her left eye was swollen shut. Her clothes were ripped to shreds and a man he had never seen before was on top of her grunting and thrusting and rambling "Your mine. No one else's. Always mine."

Before Jack could completely process everything he was seeing, he fired a single shot to the man's head. He saw him slump and pushed him off of Sam. The man rolled to his back on the floor and Jack proceeded to empty his clip in the already dead body. Once empty, he gathered Sam into his arms, cut the ropes, and pulled his cell phone out and dialed 911. When the operator answered the phone, he gave a perfunctory account of the seen, "My wife's been attacked. The intruder is dead. Send an ambulance." He quickly hung up the phone and whispered soothing comments to his barely conscious wife. "I'm here Sam. It's going to be okay. I've got you now." After a moment of his soft mantra, he heard a barely audible reply, "Jack..., thank god," and she gave a soft sob. It was the only sound she made. He just sat and rocked her and waited for the first responders to arrive.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next few hours were a blur for Jack. Sam was whisked away to the hospital. The police officers asked a few brief questions before he insisted on being allowed to follow his wife to the hospital. They knew where to find him. He wasn't going to be anywhere but by Sam's side.

In the ER, the doctors and nurses were treating her. She was in and out of consciousness. They did a rape kit and X-Rays and CT scans. And probably some other tests that Jack wasn't even sure about. Finally the doctor came and talked to them. Jack sat on the gerny holding Sam and whispering soothing words to her when the doctor came in. She had multiple facial fractures and vaginal tearing that would need stitches, but she was expected to recover. The doctor offered to give her the "morning after pill" as a precaution to prevent pregnancy.

Jack was ready to agree for her, when he heard her softly comment, "No."

"Sam? Why not?"

And that's how Jack O'Neill found out he would be a father again. His battered wife, in a hospital ER, after a brutal rape. He didn't know whether he should laugh or cry. They'd talked about it. They both wanted a child, even after Charlie, but he was to worried about Sam and angry that he wasn't there to protect her, to even acknowledge the baby.

"Can she come home tonight, doc?"

"Let us keep her a few days. We'll give her a few doses of antibiotics and make sure her head injury isn't any worse that we think. She can come home in a few days."

Jack nodded at the doctor and the man left the room.

After sitting in stunned silence for a few minutes, Jack realized he hadn't called anyone to let them know what was going on. So, reluctantly, he grabbed his cell phone and called General Hammond first. Jack filled him in on Sam's injuries and asked him to notify the rest of his team. He couldn't deal with Daniel's questions right now and although Teal'c would be easier to deal with, he just wanted to sit with his wife.

Several hours later, Sam was finally in a room. The guys, Daniel and Teal'c, had been by to visit, but mercifully they had the wisdom not to linger. They had needed to see her, to reassure themselves that she would survive and offered to relieve Jack so he could rest. Of course, he had refused. He left her side long enough to relieve himself in the restroom down the hall and quickly returned to her bedside. He refused food and only sipped at the now cold black coffee he held in his hands.

"Jack," she started to speak, but he quickly silenced her.

"Shh, rest now, Sam. You don't have to talk about it."

But that was where he was wrong. She needed to talk, to tell him, and at the same time, she didn't want to. She was ashamed that she had been caught off guard. She was a capable warrior. No one should ever have been able to place her in the position she was found in.

"Jack, please," she weakly pleaded. "I need you to know. I need you to understand. And I need you listen."

Jack didn't like talking. Everyone knew that. But now, for her, he'd listen. He'd speak if necessary. Whatever she needed. He felt so overwhelmed and inadequate. If he couldn't protect her at home, how was he going to protect her at work?

He gently squeezed her hand, encouraging her to speak.

"I told you about Jonas, briefly, a while back. We had three dates, years ago. I broke it off quickly. He was possessive and controlling. He refused to take no for an answer and I eventually had to take out a restraining order against him. It didn't do much to stop him, until he was arrested for nearly killing my neighbor, who he thought I was dating."

Jack listened patiently. He remembered the story. She had told him it all before. How Jonas was crazed and attacked her neighbor. Sam actually had been the one to come to the man's rescue. She heard the commotion as she was returning a red iron skillet she had borrowed. Having no other weapon, she swung hard with the skillet and knocked Jonas out before he could permanently injury the man. Between his psych eval and a good lawyer, he was able to get a light 15 year sentence, with the possibility of early parole with good behavior. The prison system obviously underestimated him.

Sam rambled on, telling him things he already knew. But eventually she stumbled into new territory, and he refocused on her story.

"A few days ago, I had an appointment with an obstetrician. I had taken a home pregnancy test a week ago. But I didn't want to say anything until I was sure."

At the mention of pregnancy, Jack looked up into her eyes. He saw love and fear. He wanted to reassure her. "Sam, a baby, our baby, is a good thing. If I had found out differently, I'd be shouting from the rooftops. I love you... and I love our child." As he spoke, he reached out his hand and gently laid it on top of her hand that she had resting on her abdomen.

With his gentle reassurance, she continued. "I wasn't expecting anyone when the doorbell rang. I was surprised. I should have been more cautious." She tried to stifle a sob.

Jack once again squeezed her hand. "You couldn't have known."

"When I opened the door, I froze. I saw Jonas and I saw the red frying pan flying at me. It all happened to fast. Everything after that is spotty. I woke up, face down on the bed. I could hear him ranting. 'You're mine. What made you think you could have another man's baby.' How could he know, Jack? I hadn't told anyone."

Jack reached over and gently hugged her. He gave her reassurance and tried to share strength that he wasn't sure he had.

"I remember looking at the clock and seeing the time. It was only 0930. I knew you wouldn't be home for hours. I wanted to hold on, but he was hurting me so much." She was sobbing with this statement and Jack tensed. He felt the anger course through his body. If he hadn't of already killed the man, he definitely would now. He felt a fierce protectiveness and he made a silent promise that no man would ever touch his wife again.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch. 3

A few days later, Sam was released from the hospital. Jack took her directly to his house..., their house. She walked in and gingerly sat down in the living room. He followed her, almost hovering. He knew she didn't need him standing over her, but at the same time, he couldn't let her out of his sight and he didn't know what to do.

The police had been by the hospital and taken her statement the day before. The case was pretty much open and shut. Jonas had been caught in the act. Apparently he worked in the lab where they processed Sam's blood work for the pregnancy test and saw her test results. That was the missing information. It explains how he knew about the pregnancy. He never learned to let go of Sam and when he saw the lab results he decided to find her. He was now dead. No one had any interest in charging Jack for what was obviously defense of his wife. The case was closed. But, nothing was closed. They were both on edge. She was jumpy. He was overprotective. They knew they had to work through this, but neither of them knew where to start.

Over the next few months, Jack took some time off from work. Sam put up a brave face, but she was faltering. He could tell she'd lost weight and with the baby, weight was something she couldn't afford to lose. Jack sat down next to her on the couch.

"Sam, we need to talk."

She looked at him through haunted eyes. She had dark circles and her skin was pale.

"About what?" She knew it was ridiculous. She knew what he wanted. But since their conversation at the hospital, she hadn't said anymore about it.

"Sam? You know I hate talking, but we need to talk about this. You need to talk about this. You don't have to talk to me, but I know someone who can help."

"A shrink?! Jack O'Neill is actually suggesting talking with a shrink. I don't think so."

"Then talk with me."

"How can you help?" She didn't mean to sound bitter, but she did. "When have you ever been tired down, beaten, and raped?"

The comment was left hanging in the air. The silence was almost deafening.

When Jack spoke, it was no more than a whisper, but she heard it.

"In Iraq."

Jack looked away. He was staring at a spot on the wall. He had never talked about this to anyone: not Sarah, not the base shrinks, and not Janet. Although he figured she knew because of his medical file and his injuries.

Sam gasped and reached for his hand. She didn't say anything. She just squeezed his hand. They sat in silence for what seemed like hours. And then Jack O'Neill began talking about Iraq.

"When I first got back, I tried not to think about it, but it found me anyway. I couldn't stop dreaming about it. And Sarah, I didn't want her to touch me. She had to have known. She knew it was bad. But she didn't ask. I didn't tell. When I finally allowed myself to think about what had happened, I focused on certain things: the feel of the mattress, the smell in the air, the sounds outside the cell...and I drank. I drank all the time. I wanted to forget. I wanted to have dreamless sleep. After a while, I allowed myself to see how the drinking was affecting Sarah and Charlie. He was little, but I knew it wasn't fair for him. I went to a few AA meetings, but I didn't stay. I knew that I had to deal with the root problem. As I was leaving the community center one night, I saw a sign for a rape survivors meeting. I didn't go in, but the door was cracked and I casually listened at the doorway. I expected to hear women. I was surprised to hear men. The group met every week, so for two or three months I would try to surreptitiously hang out by the door. After a while, one of the men invited me in. So I staid. I listened. I didn't talk, but it helped, just knowing that I wasn't alone.

They sat there quietly for a long while again. And then Jack decided that Sam needed more. She needed to understand that she wasn't alone and as much as he loathed the idea of talking about it, for Sam, he would do anything. He pulled his hand out of hers, looked in her eyes, and squeezed her knee. Then he clasped his hands together and stared at the ground. "The first few weeks I was there, they just beat the crap out of me. They'd try to get me to talk and when I refused, they'd punch me, kick me, dangle me by my wrists from a beam, whatever. Those things, as awful as they were, I could escape. I'd focus on Sarah, or Charlie. I'd think about my cabin. I could escape. One night, after they'd given me a day to rest, a big, smelly, guard came in. I hadn't seen him before. He had to be at least as big as Teal'c. At first, I was okay. I figured more of the same, right? Wrong. He grabbed my hands and tied them to the bed. He stripped my clothes off of me and then he tied my feet down. At first, I thought, okay, this is bad, but he's going to whip me. Then he started touching me..." Jack's voice trailed off. He paused as he remembered the details he'd fought so hard to bury. Jack started to speak again, but his voice cracked.

Sam looked at him. She saw the pain in his expression. She saw the tear slip from his eye. He ignored it. Jack's philosophy, if you don't acknowledge the tears, they're not there. He took a deep breath, cleared his throat, and continued. "The guard reached under me and started rubbing my dick and squeezing my balls. I tried to resist. But the more I struggled the more I realized it was futile. I was tied down. I couldn't move. I couldn't swat his hand away and I couldn't keep him from sticking his finger up my ass."

Jack stopped again, but not for long. He was on a role. It was like once he started talking, the flood gates opened. "After that first night, he left me alone for a little while. They went back to the beatings. But about a week later, that same guard showed up again. This time, I slugged him before he could get a hold of me and tie my down. Not that it mattered. By that time, I was so weak, it didn't even phase him. He just laughed at me and proceeded to tie me to the bed again. I kicked and twisted. He finally just knocked me out. I came to, when he poured a bucket of cold water on my head. And then he was inside me. He woke me up so I would know what he was doing. Sam... I screamed. I screamed until I had no voice. And before he was done, he made sure I came. He fondled me while pounding me from behind. I came all over the bed and then he came inside of me. Afterwards, he left me tied there for the rest of the night. The next day when they came to beat me, I talked. I lied about stuff. I made up anything I could think of, just hoping I wouldn't see him again. It didn't matter. He came back week after week. He came every week until I was rescued. He did enough to injury me without permanently damaging me, so that he could keep coming back."

Sam just looked at him. She didn't know what to say. She put her hand over his and just sat there and then Jack continued. "After I came home, I was in the hospital for a few weeks. Mainly just bruised all over and minor...anal trauma. When I got home, I didn't talk with Sarah about it. She tried to comfort me a few times. She'd start to kiss me in bed. I froze. I'd apologize and make up some excuse. She stopped trying after three or four nights with excuses. After being home six months, I looked at her one day and realized it wasn't her. She didn't hurt me. She wouldn't. I decided right then and there that'd we'd have sex that night...and we did. We had sex. I didn't make love to her. I didn't caress her. I just fucked her. I didn't want to be angry with her, and I really wasn't. But I had to be aggressive in order to tolerate it. I don't mean I hurt her. I'd never hurt her. But it wasn't loving...Gradually the sex became less aggressive. And after a while, I even allowed myself to be gentle, but it was never the same as before. She knew it... I knew it."

Sam was crying. Jack was silent. She continued to hold his hand and then she spoke. "Jack, I never felt that you used me for sex. I've always felt profound love from you."

"Sam, it's been a long time since I was in Iraq. Sarah helped me through a lot of stuff. And then we divorced after Charlie. By the time you and I started having sex, I was so completely in love with you that it was no longer about me. Yes, I received pleasure from it. But, my whole goal was to show you how much I love you. I still want to do that...when you're ready."

Sam sat quietly. She could see the deep love and passion he had for her and she was blown away by the absolute trust he placed in her by telling her about Iraq. She nodded her head. "Jack, I'm not ready yet, but I want to be ready." It was a start. He could accept that.


	4. Chapter 4

Ch. 4

A few days after Jack told her about Iraq, she found herself wondering around the community center. She had originally planned on going to the grocery store and made a last minute detour to the center. It was early evening and there were a few different meetings going on. She casually walked around and found the rape survivors meeting. She stood outside the door for a few minutes and finally decided to go in. She saw a room with metal folding chairs in a circle. There were half a dozen women and a few men seated; some quietly talking, others lost in thought. She froze in the doorway when she saw Jack already sitting there. He hadn't told her he'd be there. He'd just said he needed to run an errand. He looked up and saw her standing in the doorway and silently motioned for her to join him. They both sat quietly through the whole meeting. Neither spoke. They just listened as people shared their stories. Some spoke of the horror they had survived, others spoke of rebuilding personal relationships, and others spoke of the challenge of resuming normal life. One woman said she'd been raped twenty years ago and spoke of her challenges. One girl who couldn't have been more than sixteen told of her boyfriend and how he wouldn't take "no" for an answer. And a few, like Sam and Jack, didn't say anything at all. They just listened.

When the meeting was over, Jack took Sam's hand and led her outside. They walked to her car and he said, "meet me at home." Then he left her there and walked over to his truck. He waited to make sure she got in okay and that her car started. Then he drove off towards their home.

Sam was grateful for his support. She had been surprised to see him, but realized that it was overwhelmingly compassionate and gave her strength and support. She was grateful for the people who spoke at the meeting. Jack had been right. It was strangely comforting knowing that she wasn't alone. She'd be back. With or without Jack. This anonymous meeting, she could handle.

As she drove home, she thought about the horrible night. She let the memories wash over her like the ocean's tide. They came. She remembered. And then they washed back out to sea. By the time she arrived home, she realized it had been four months since the assault. She missed her husband's touch. She missed who she used to be, but she didn't know how to get her back.

When she pulled into the garage, Jack was waiting for her. He waited for her to walk in the door and when she paused on the bottom step, he said, "C'mere."

That one word was all she needed to hear. She immediately stepped into his waiting embrace. He pulled her close, buried his head in her neck, and just held her. She cried deep gut wrenching tears and when she calmed down, he led her back to their room.

"I've missed you. I've missed us, but I'm terrified. I don't know how to let you touch me. I don't know how to be the woman you fell in love with."

"Oh, Sam. You can never go back. It's okay. I don't expect you to. Just let me love you, here, now."

As he spoke, he started kissing her tears and wiping them from her face with his thumbs. He gently led her to their bed and sat down with her, all the time holding her face in his hands.

"We don't have to have sex. We can start slow. Okay?"

Sam nodded her consent and Jack leaned in and kissed her lips. She stiffened at first, but as he continued his slow assault on her lips, gentle, with no rush, and his hands in her hair, gently messaging her head, she began to relax. She could do this. She liked this. So she returned the kiss, light and sweet. They continued their kissing with gentle nips of lower lips and soft murmurs of approval and consent until Sam opened her mouth for him. He hesitated at first, not wanting to push her, rush her into anything she wasn't ready for, but after a moment he hesitantly slipped his tongue between her lips. She in turn, melted into his arms and then returned the gesture with her tongue softly exploring his mouth. Jack urged her back towards the center of the bed and laid down beside her. His hands explored her beautiful body and gently caressed her, but he did not push. Ultimately, this night, and how far it went, was in her hands.

But Sam was relaxing. This man in her arms, loved her. He would never hurt her and he proved it to her over and over again. She encouraged him to continue the exploration of her body. Her mind was at war. She wanted this. She wanted him. But she was terrified.

Jack, for his own part, could tell that Sam was divided. He took a moment and looked in her eyes. "We can stop, anytime."

She nodded, and said, "I want this, Jack. I want you."

With her words of consent, he continued his ministrations. He kissed along her jaw and ran his hands under her shirt. After a moment, Sam took charge and remove her own shirt, and then his. Jack stared appreciatively at his wife and her beautiful body. He then returned to kissing her. He trailed kisses down her neck and in between her breasts as he struggled with the clasp of her bra. Once freed, he slowly pulled her bra off as if it was his first time seeing her. They'd grown. Pregnancy was already changing her body. He thought about that as he adored and kissed her breasts. He slowly trailed his hands down her stomach, feeling the slight hump that his child was creating in her perfect body.

Again, Jack stalled. He had told her they didn't have to have sex, and he meant it. He would never force her and he wanted her to be ready. Sam realized again, what he was doing. She caressed his back and ran her fingers under his jeans just enough to really appreciate his back side. Then she pulled back, quickly unbuttoned her own jeans, and pulled them and her underwear off. For the first time in four months, Jack was looking at his completely naked wife; naked and beautiful.

He searched her eyes for permission and once satisfied that he'd received it, he moved his touch lower. He ran his hands over her backside and slowly, hesitantly, brought them around to her curls. She gasped softly at the gentle touch and he stilled. Then in response to his hesitancy, she reached for his jeans and began unbuttoning them. Jack quickly took over and removed the rest of his clothes. He laid there, next to her, clearly interested and still said, "I can wait."

"Jack, I want you," she said. "I'm scared. It might as well be my first time, but I want you and I want this with you. I miss us. I miss your touch. I know you'd never hurt me and I trust you. What Jonas did to me was awful, but you didn't do it and I want US back."

With the last bit of reassurance spoken, Jack acquiesced. He slowly ran his hands from her neck over her breasts and down to her soft curls. He rolled her to her back and positioned himself over her and he continued to kiss her, caress her intimately, and listen to her murmurs of pleasure. Finally, he lifted up and spoke, "Sam, look at me." She opened her eyes and stared into the face of the man she'd loved for years. "I love you, Sam." As he affirmed his commitment for her with his words he reclaimed her body, slowly, gently, and expertly. Sam did not expect to orgasm this first time. She'd thought that would take more time. But Jack was so gentle and tender and loving and she found herself start to quiver and then her body exploded in response to his love for her. It didn't take Jack long to follow and then they found themselves facing each other and cuddling.

After a moment, Jack realized Sam was crying. It scared him. "I'm sorry, Sam. I didn't mean to..., I'd never hurt you... I thought you wanted me to..." He just kept babbling, which Jack O'Neill never does, but he was so completely distraught at the thought that he may have hurt her or done something she didn't want or wasn't ready for.

But Sam quickly lifted her hand to his face. "Jack, stop. Look at me. These are healing tears. You didn't do anything wrong. You were perfect."

With the reassurance of his beautiful wife, he pulled the sheets over them, kissed her gently on the lips, and held her as they drifted off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Epilogue

Five months later, Jack stood next to his wife's hospital bed. Together they stared at the small child at her breast. The look of shear contentment in his wife's face said it all. This was their child, their little girl. Jack felt enamored and fiercely protective of both women now in his life. He looked at his wife and leaned over to gently kiss her on the lips. "I love you."

Sam was overwhelmed by the new life she held in her arms, so perfect and innocent. Not everything was right yet. She still struggled at times and had nightmares. She still tensed up sometimes if Jack caught her off guard, but things were getting better. She found her strength again and her confidence. She'd been back at work and planned to return after maternity leave. Life wasn't the same as it was before the attack. But it was good.


End file.
